Wednesday, July 16, 2014

"Under the Skin" is the WORST MOVIE EVER!

"Under the Skin"

IS THE Worst Movie Ever!

I am an avid movie fan and

I have been watching movies since the 1980s.

I have seen thousands of movies from Indie Films

to large Hollywood Blockbusters.

This is by far, the WORST MOVIE EVER!

Seriously!

Save yourself 109 minutes of agony

and just go punch yourself in the face

for ten minutes instead.

You will hurt about the same amount,

and you will save yourself 99 minutes.

I hope they aren't relying on Scarlett Johansson's

looks to hold the audience.

The poor girl needs some sunlight and a steak.


Seriously.

Somebody feed her quick.

I remember having A HUGE CRUSH

on this beautiful woman for years.

Now she looks to need at least a year of

sun and rest before she could even

feed and dress herself again.

With the absolute lack of any discernible plot,

and the absolute lack of any words,

is this even a movie?

Seriously, the director thinks way too

highly of himself or herself.

The absolute bombardment of my visual cortex

with "Angle" after "Angle" shots that lasted 15-20 seconds

where nothing happens, still have me rubbing my eyes

and shaking my head in bewilderment.

My two dollar rental fee would have been

better used, if I had taped the dollar bills

to the bottom of my shoes and

walked around until they wore out,

just to see how long it took.

I would have been more entertained.

Please do yourself a favor

and watch the grass grow

before you never watch this movie.

At least then you would have been

mildly entertained.

Good Luck Out There!

Aloha Joe

#filmcritic